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The two paragraphs compared to each other were relatively similar. They said the same thing but the 2nd paragraph flowed better. "to show at heart humanity is violent." Was one part that really explained what happened in this book. To me that sentence really helped that paragraph. The part where you explain the killing and the shaking after became more clearly in the 2nd paragraph. The 1st paragraph was more fuzzy on that paragraph. I would have changed the order of the sentences to make it go in order more. When you described jacks 1st killing it was clear in the 1st paragraph and even better in the 2nd. That part really got my attention